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130 Funny workplace quotes

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

3 months ago

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

3 months ago

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

3 months ago

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

3 months ago

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

3 months ago

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

3 months ago

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

3 months ago

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

3 months ago

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

3 months ago

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

3 months ago

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

3 months ago

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

3 months ago

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

3 months ago

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

3 months ago

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

3 months ago

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

3 months ago

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

3 months ago

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

3 months ago

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

3 months ago

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

3 months ago