These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Commentary:
Ah, the charming compromise we make with website cookies – just like nodding along with Grandma's stories without interjecting. 🍪👵 Let's embrace the sweet (and occasionally crumbly) bonds we share with both internet algorithms and beloved grandmas!

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won't judge you.

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Commentary:
"Who needs a personal stylist when you have a friend like this? The ultimate fashion statement: Pajamas-chic! 💁‍♀️💤 #NoJudgmentZone"

Calling me ugly isn't even an insult, because I know already.

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Commentary:
"Well, thank you for the observation, Captain Obvious! 🙄 My mirror and I have already had this discussion. 💁‍♂️✨ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and clearly, you need some new glasses! 👓😂"

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Commentary:
"Looks like this spiritual journey is getting a little too cozy around the waistline 😋👖 Don't worry, expanding your horizons is good for the soul… and the seams of your jeans! 🍔🧘‍♀️ #EatPrayLoveButAlsoSizeUp"

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Commentary:
"Isn't it bizarre how we nonchalantly house a meaty tentacle in our mouths? 🦑 It's like having a strange, unsuspecting roommate who loves to taste-test everything before we do. 🤪 Maybe we should throw a tiny welcome party for our tongue next time! 🎉 #MeatTentacleLife"

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Commentary:
"Embrace yourself for who you are… unless you have a weird affinity for dark alleys and duct tape. 🔪😅 Remember, it's all fun and games until someone starts collecting trophies! 🏆 #AcceptanceWithLimits"

I don’t get mad anymore. I'm just like “again?” Ok then.

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Commentary:
🤷‍♂️ "I don't get mad, I get impressed with life's consistency in testing my patience. It's like a daily pop quiz I never asked for, but hey, let's roll with it. Bring it on, universe! 🙄"

Honestly, I don't even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I'm like "I guess this is what we're doing now."

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Commentary:
"Life's like a crazy rollercoaster ride with no seat belts, and we're just here for the unexpected twists and turns 🎢🤷‍♂️ Who needs to be in control when you can just go with the flow, right?"

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Commentary:
"Offering food to someone and then regretting it is equivalent to bringing a knife to a food fight 🍴😆 Don't worry, next time just conveniently 'forget' to offer, problem solved! #FoodieDilemmas"