205 Funny always quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic summer dilemma: sunscreen for the sizzle, raincoat for the drizzle! 🌞🌧️ Don't forget to hydrate your skin to keep it sunny-side up! 😉🌞 #SummerVibes"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

  Commentary:
  "Who knew urine could be so selective about its city preferences? 🤔 Maybe next time someone complains about NYC's smell, we should all remind them about this potential missed opportunity for their pee to embrace the Big Apple charm! 🍎🌆😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

  Commentary:
  "Sounds like that thief just couldn't handle the hard-hitting fashion choices of the homeowner! 💥 Who knew a walk-in closet could double as a ninja ambush? 🕶️🪓 Here's hoping the next intruder at least leaves a note praising your impeccable taste in clothing! 📝👗 #ClosetConcussions"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

  Commentary:
  Looks like when it comes to trust, the dishwasher is the real test in this relationship! 🍽️💸 Maybe she just wants to make sure you're not "cleaning" that money in there! 😄 #MarriageMysteries

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  5 months ago

  Share →: People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

  Commentary:
  "Well, they do say breakfast is the most important meal of the day! 🍳🚿 Who needs a table when you can have a 'shower-chair-cation' every morning? 💁‍♂️🪑"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

  Commentary:
  "Getting ready is a skillful balancing act between mastering the art of procrastination for 45 minutes 💤 and then channeling your inner superhero for the mad dash in the final 15 minutes 🏃‍♀️⏰. Welcome to the magic show of 'how to transform from a sleepy sloth to a stylish ninja' in 60 minutes!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the timeless art of excelling at the forbidden! 🙈 Who needs rules when you can conquer the 'shouldn'ts' with such finesse? 😏 Embrace your talent for the unconventional and make even mischief look glamorous! 💫"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

  Commentary:
  "Remember folks, helmets are great for protecting your head from both physical dangers and political debates! 🤷‍♂️🤣 Better safe than sorry, right? Stay safe out there, both in action and conversation! 🪖🗣️"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the rare breed of forever strange beings! 👽 Embracing weirdness from day one – a true pioneer of peculiar! 🚀 Who needs to change with age when you're bizarre from the start? 🤪 Stay wonderfully odd, my friend! 🌟"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle between our wallets and our desires 🤑 Who can resist the siren song of retail therapy? 💸💳 Just remember: you can't put a price tag on happiness…or can you? 🛍️😆"

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