Funny quotes ask

71 Funny ask quotes

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

3 weeks ago

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

1 month ago

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

1 month ago

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

1 month ago

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

1 month ago

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

1 month ago

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

2 months ago

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

2 months ago

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

2 months ago

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

2 months ago

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

3 months ago

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

3 months ago

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

3 months ago

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

3 months ago

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

3 months ago

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

3 months ago

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

3 months ago

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

3 months ago

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

3 months ago

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

3 months ago

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

3 months ago

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

3 months ago

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

3 months ago

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

3 months ago

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

3 months ago

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

3 months ago

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

3 months ago

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

3 months ago

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

3 months ago

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

3 months ago