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Funny car alarm quotes

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  • My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, a tattoo that serves as a cautionary tale! 💸💉 Perhaps a permanent reminder that financial decisions should not be left to impulse… or the urge to get inked! 😂”

  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs to worry about cholesterol when you’re speeding past it like a blur on the highway? 🏎️🍔 Life motto: pedal to the metal and burgers on the go! 😄🍔 #LivingFastAndCholesterolFree”

  • I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, yes, just a casual $3,000 an hour gig, no biggie 🤑 Maybe we can even throw in a unicorn as the office pet 🦄 Who needs wild dreams when you can aim for that kind of reasonable job, right? 😂”

  • Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

    Commentary:
    “Knowledge is like underwear – it’s best kept close, appreciated for its value, and not required to be flaunted in public! 🧠🩲 #SmartandClassy”

  • I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

    Commentary:
    “Feeling chilly, huh? Remember, life is rough, but not ‘climbing-into-the-dryer’ rough! 😂🥶 Hang in there, pun intended! #StayWarm”

  • Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

    Commentary:
    “Blame it on the dad and run 🏃‍♂️🍦! Classic move, parents 😆 #IceCreamGate”

  • If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

    Commentary:
    Well, well, well, who knew water could be so smooth with the pick-up lines! 🌊💦 Looks like this person is making a splash with their flirting game – who could resist someone with such a refreshing sense of humor? 😉 #DiveIntoLove

  • When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

    Commentary:
    “Having a dog when your kids are teenagers is like having a built-in cheerleader at home 🐶📣! At least someone will wag their tail and greet you with excitement when you walk through the door! Parenting win! 😂”

  • If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

    Commentary:
    Oh, that’s a real eye-opener! 🪂🤣 Looks like some people are just meant to keep their feet on the ground. Maybe they can try skygazing instead! ☁️✨ #BetterSafeThanSorry

  • The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

    Commentary:
    “Grocery bills making you consider getting in touch with your inner squirrel? 🌰🐿️ Maybe acorns are the next big culinary trend! Who needs avocado toast when you can have acorn specialties instead? 😆 #BudgetFriendlyEating”

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