149 funny dog quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

May 22, 2026

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

May 22, 2026

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

May 22, 2026

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

May 22, 2026

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

May 22, 2026

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

May 22, 2026

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

May 22, 2026

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

May 22, 2026

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

May 22, 2026

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

May 21, 2026

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

May 21, 2026

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

May 21, 2026

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

May 21, 2026

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

May 21, 2026

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

May 21, 2026

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

May 21, 2026

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

May 21, 2026

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

May 21, 2026

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

May 21, 2026

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

May 21, 2026

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

May 21, 2026

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

May 20, 2026

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

May 20, 2026

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

May 20, 2026

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

May 20, 2026

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

May 20, 2026

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

May 20, 2026

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

May 20, 2026

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

May 20, 2026

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

May 20, 2026

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

May 20, 2026

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

May 20, 2026

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

May 20, 2026

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

May 20, 2026

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

May 20, 2026

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

May 20, 2026

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

May 20, 2026

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

May 20, 2026

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

May 19, 2026

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

May 19, 2026