Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

Commentary:
"Ah, the rare talent of impressing oneself with embarrassing moments – a true mastery of self-surprise 😳👏 Who knew embarrassment could be so impressive? Keep setting the bar high, even if it's with blush-inducing remarks! 🤣"

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Commentary:
"Life hack: Put on an apron and suddenly transform into a culinary wizard or DIY guru in the eyes of your household 🧙‍♂️🍳 Who knew a simple piece of fabric could be your secret weapon in the battle against being asked to do chores? 😂 #ApronMagic"

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Commentary:
"Seriously brain, you had ONE job! 😂 Can't even handle the simplest task of chilling out and hitting snooze. 🧠🚫💤 #sleeplessnightwoes"

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Commentary:
"Parenting 101: Master the art of carrying your kid out of a store like a surfboard 🏄‍♂️ Who needs a gym membership when you have a squirming child to wrangle? 😆 #ParentingProblems"

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Commentary:
Looks like someone found a creative way to settle the score with the police! 📸💸 Nothing beats a clever response to a photo radar ticket, turning the tables in style! Next time, maybe they'll try accepting payment in witty retorts instead! 😂 #TicketPaidInStyle