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115 Funny everything quotes

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5 months ago
Share →: I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Commentary:
"Sounds like a legit reason to don a shark costume and embrace your inner predator! 🦈💁‍♀️ Just remember, you're a fearsome force of nature – and maybe keep the snappy comments to a minimum. 🩸😂 #SharkWeekRealness"
5 months ago
Share →: Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Commentary:
Middle children be like: "Hey, remember me? I'm still here!" 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️ Always caught in the siblings' saga like a middle child sandwich… 🥪 At least we've mastered the art of patience and negotiation! 💁‍♂️💁‍♀️ #MiddleChildSyndrome #JustTryingToBeSeen
5 months ago
Share →: Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's got a shovel and an ambitious to-do list! 💪🕳️ Who knew multi-tasking could be so… thrilling? 😅 #DIYGraves #GraveMistakes"
5 months ago
Share →: If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like cats have been holding back their world domination plans, focusing on knocking things off the coffee table instead! 🌎🐱 Time to rethink that flat earth theory, folks!
5 months ago
Share →: It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of all talk and no action! 🤓💬 It’s like having a library of knowledge but a gym membership to nowhere. 📚🚫 Let’s hope those know-it-alls stumble upon the ‘how to put knowledge into action’ manual someday! 🤷‍♂️💡"
5 months ago
Share →: Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Commentary:
"Salad: the ultimate rejection pile turned healthy masterpiece! 🥗 Who knew that pushing food to the side could result in such leafy goodness? 😄 It's like art, but with veggies! 🎨 #SaladInnovation"
5 months ago
Share →: Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Commentary:
Cashier: Did you find everything? 🛒

Me: Did you hide something? 🤔💸

Looks like my shopping skills are on point! 😉 #shoppingadventures
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Commentary:
🚪😂 "I don’t need everything handed to me on a silver platter, just slide it through the door like a stealthy delivery ninja. Bonus points if you can ring the doorbell without waking the cat! 😜🐱"
5 months ago
Share →: The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Commentary:
Oh, the saga of the eternal survivors in our fridges! 🥦🍓🥬 That healthy food sure knows how to outlast its less resilient companions. Maybe it's secretly plotting its takeover while basking in its longevity. 🤣 #FridgeSurvivalChampion
5 months ago
Share →: Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Commentary:
"Stop being a professional self-critic and start a new career in self-appreciation! 🌟 Get specific about what you love about yourself instead of what you hate. Let your inner cheerleader out to play! 📣💪"