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106 Funny expectation quotes

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

3 months ago

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

3 months ago

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

3 months ago

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

3 months ago

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

3 months ago

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

3 months ago

Come on, karma, do your job.

3 months ago

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

3 months ago

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

3 months ago

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

3 months ago

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

3 months ago

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

3 months ago

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

3 months ago

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

3 months ago

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

3 months ago

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

3 months ago

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

3 months ago

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

3 months ago

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

3 months ago

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

3 months ago