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150 Funny expectations quotes

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

3 months ago

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

3 months ago

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

3 months ago

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

3 months ago

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

3 months ago

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

3 months ago

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

3 months ago

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

3 months ago

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

3 months ago

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

3 months ago