Funny quotes five

21 Funny five quotes

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Funny Quotes Mar 20, 2025

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Funny Quotes Feb 28, 2025

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Funny Quotes Feb 24, 2025

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Funny Quotes Feb 9, 2025

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Funny Quotes Jan 21, 2025

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Funny Quotes Jan 21, 2025