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21 Funny five quotes

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

1 month ago

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

2 months ago

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

2 months ago

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

2 months ago

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

3 months ago

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

3 months ago

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

3 months ago

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

3 months ago

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

3 months ago

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

3 months ago

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

3 months ago

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

3 months ago

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

3 months ago

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

3 months ago

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

3 months ago

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

3 months ago

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

3 months ago

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

3 months ago

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

3 months ago