21 Funny five quotes

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  3 months ago

  View →: Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.
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  3 months ago

  View →: All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.
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  4 months ago

  View →: It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The first five days after the weekend are the worst.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.
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  5 months ago

  View →: A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.
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  5 months ago

  View →: If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.
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  5 months ago

  View →: That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

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