33 Funny five quotes

• 

  19 hours ago

  Share →: Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

  Commentary:
  Weekends should come with a pause button, but they only give us a fast-forward remote! ⏩😂

• 

  22 hours ago

  Share →: When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

  Commentary:
  Looks like we're going into overtime! Better warm up those snacks and settle in for the long haul 😂⏱️🍿🏈

• 

  23 hours ago

  Share →: I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

  Commentary:
  Looks like those magic cleaning pills aren't working, but at least your insides are squeaky clean! 🧼😂

• 

  1 day ago

  Share →: I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

  Commentary:
  Time flies when you're busy doing absolutely nothing! 😂⏰🛋️

• 

  2 days ago

  Share →: How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like my room cleaning plan too: step 4, wake up surrounded by "important" treasures! 🕰️🛏️😅

• 

  4 days ago

  Share →: I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like my weekend agenda is fashionably on point: mastering the art of 'couch couture'! 😎👗🛋️

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

  Commentary:
  Finally, my "smash hit" career has begun! 🍔🥊😂

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the good old days when five bucks made me feel like a millionaire! 🤑💸

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

  Commentary:
  Trying to create the world's first high-five-fueled resignation 😆🙌🔜🚪

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: 89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

  Commentary:
  🚀😂 "When 'You look great!' becomes the new 'We're late!', fashionably running behind has never felt more glamorous! ⏰👠"

For even more funny five quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny five quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌