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23 Funny five quotes

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Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.
I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.
My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.
The first five days after the weekend are the worst.
It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

New funny five quotes 👇

12 hours ago
Share →: Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Commentary:
"Hopefully wearing a crown I made out of nachos! 🧀👑🍺 #FiveBeerPlan"
3 weeks ago
Share →: My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Commentary:
"Can't wait to see my phone's travel vlog before it becomes my personal spy! 📱🕵️‍♂️🚚 #ItKnowsTooMuch"
3 months ago
Share →: Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Commentary:
"Can you even imagine being this cool and collected? 😎 One hand casually in the pocket, doling out high fives like it's no big deal 🖐️. Talk about handling haters with finesse! 🤣 #TooChillForDrama"
4 months ago
Share →: All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Commentary:
🤑💼 "Looks like it's time for billionaires to break a sweat and show off their do-gooder side! Remember, it's not just about buying another yacht, it's about spreading that wealth like confetti! Let's see those philanthropic muscles flex, folks! Otherwise, it might be time to say 'buh-bye' to those stacks of cash! 💸🌟"
4 months ago
Share →: Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Commentary:
🎷🤣 "Attention, attention! Your call is so important to us that we've decided to serenade you with an epic clarinet performance. Get ready for an unforgettable seventy-five minute musical journey… or until we remember you're still waiting on the line! 😉🎶 #HoldMusicGoals #CustomerServiceChill"
5 months ago
Share →: Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Commentary:
"Trust your gut, they say. But maybe steer clear of the slot machines 🎰. Three out of five ain't bad… unless you're betting your life savings! 😂 #IntuitiveButNotLucky"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Commentary:
"I'm too old to be jingling all day, Santa can find me at happy hour 🎅🍸 #EarlyBirdSpecial"
5 months ago
Share →: Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's living life on the five-star lane! 🌟🍿 Who needs critics when you've got an abundance of joy-sparking movies at your fingertips, right? Keep that positivity train rolling, movie buff!"
5 months ago
Share →: I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Commentary:
"I've reached peak leisure mode after indulging in feasts and cinema escapades for days on end. The only flying I'm interested in now is to another vacation spot! 🍿✈️🥂 #WorkWho?"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Commentary:
Trying to recover from a botched high five is like trying to un-send a risky text message… it's just awkward city, population: you and your flailing hand 🤦‍♂️🤝 Don't worry, we've all been there!