36 Funny five quotes — Wordgag ツ

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

5 days ago5 days ago

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

2 months ago2 months ago

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

2 months ago2 months ago

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

2 months ago2 months ago

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

2 months ago2 months ago

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

2 months ago2 months ago

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

2 months ago2 months ago

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

2 months ago2 months ago

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

2 months ago2 months ago

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

2 months ago2 months ago

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

2 months ago2 months ago

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

2 months ago2 months ago

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

2 months ago2 months ago

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

2 months ago2 months ago

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

3 months ago3 months ago

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

6 months ago6 months ago

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Feb 28, 2025Feb 28, 2025

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Feb 24, 2025Feb 24, 2025

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Feb 9, 2025Feb 9, 2025

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Jan 28, 2025