I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Commentary:
Looks like your boyfriend was definitely on a cleaning spree – either that or he's secretly moonlighting as a crime scene cleaner! It's always good to have a partner who's willing to take care of the mess, just try not to jump to the worst conclusions next time he breaks out the mop!

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it's a potato with fur.

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

Commentary:
Well, they do say that looks can be deceiving! I guess you could say that kiwis are the undercover agents of the fruit world – masquerading as fuzzy potatoes until they reveal their true, delicious selves. Who knew that a simple fruit could keep us all on our toes?

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate movie-watching challenge: playing detective to catch those pesky breathing actors in action! Who knew being nosy could be so morbidly entertaining?"

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Commentary:
Well, those bruises must have quite the active social life if they're not from getting lucky in love!