278 Funny never quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

  Commentary:
  "Sorry, I can't discuss my dream job. I wouldn't want to make my unicorn and superhero coworkers jealous! 🦄💫 Who needs a dream job when you've got dreamy coworkers, am I right? 😆 #livingthedream"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the shocking revelation! 💸💸 Who knew that being your fabulous self could come with such a hefty price tag? 💁‍♀️💰 Time for a budgeting intervention, perhaps? Or just embrace the fabulous broke life! 😂 #FabulousButBroke"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the joy of experiencing the unexpected sinus cleanse brought on by uncontrollable laughter! 🥂😂 Just imagine the stories you'd have to tell at parties after a comical beverage mishap like that. Who needs a boring, nose-drip-free life when you can have memorable moments like these instead? 😉👃

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the elusive male guitar player 🎸 They say actions speak louder than words, but apparently not when it comes to rocking out on the six strings! 🎶 Here’s a pro tip: if a guy can play guitar, he will definitely let you know… multiple times 😄🎸 #GuitaristsGonnaGuitar

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.

  Commentary:
  Looks like you're operating on a whole different energy level – literally! 🔋 Don't worry, sometimes it's better to stand out than to blend in like rechargeable batteries in a junk drawer. Embrace your uniqueness and shine bright like a Duracell in a sea of generic brands! 💡😄

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a dog that can high-five when you can have one that can fold laundry like a pro? 🐕👚 Let's revolutionize dog training one chore at a time! 💪🐾 #DomesticatedSuperheroes"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

  Commentary:
  "Let's be real, those animals always steal the show! 🦁🐊 Who knew nature's fierce side could be so entertaining? #TeamAnimal"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

  Commentary:
  "French fries are the unsung heroes of any meal, always there to save the day like lifeboats on the Titanic. But just like the infamous ship, they never seem to be quite enough to keep us afloat! 🍟😄 #FryDayStruggles"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

  Commentary:
  "Who knew urine could be so selective about its city preferences? 🤔 Maybe next time someone complains about NYC's smell, we should all remind them about this potential missed opportunity for their pee to embrace the Big Apple charm! 🍎🌆😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the ultimate struggle of hoarding virtual loot and pristine produce 🍌🍎🕹️ Don't worry, we've all been there… hanging onto that golden apple like it’s the rarest treasure in the land! Just remember, in both gaming and life, sometimes you just have to take a bite and savor the sweetness! 😉🎮🍇

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