278 Funny never quotes

More funny never quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Commentary:
Family vacations: the perfect blend of love, chaos, and questionable decisions. 🌴🚗😅 So if you haven't sworn off family trips at least once, are you even doing it right? 😂 #FamilyBondingAtItsFinest
5 months ago
Share →: I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Commentary:
"Sorry, I can't join the mafia, I need my beauty sleep! 💤 Plus, I hear their late night meetings are to die for! 😂🕴️💼 #SleepFirstCrimeLater"
5 months ago
Share →: There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

Commentary:
Who knew the library had a strict "no clipping zones" policy? 🚫📚 Looks like even in the world of literature, some things are best kept to yourself…or at least saved for home spa day! 💅😂 #KeepItClassy
5 months ago
Share →: I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Commentary:
"Setting your personality on fire 🔥🔥🔥: not recommended for brightening up a room 🚒🤭 #firestarter"
5 months ago
Share →: I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Commentary:
"Who needs a white belt when you can rock a black belt in partial arts? 🥋♠️ Don't worry about finishing things, just master the art of leaving them at the halfway mark! 😂 #PartialArtsMaster"
5 months ago
Share →: Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Commentary:
"Parenting 101: Master the art of carrying your kid out of a store like a surfboard 🏄‍♂️ Who needs a gym membership when you have a squirming child to wrangle? 😆 #ParentingProblems"
5 months ago
Share →: Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Commentary:
Oh, Cinderella, sweetie, your standards were lower than her glass slipper size! 🙈 Talk about a prince who needs to get his memory checked! Maybe next time, Cinderella should swipe left on the forgetful ones! 👸🏼🤦🏻‍♂️
5 months ago
Share →: So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Commentary:
"Seems like people really love their Roombas… until it's time to let them spread their wings and venture into the wild! 🤖🦋 #FreeTheRoombas"
5 months ago
Share →: I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Commentary:
Well, I guess hunger always wins the race against swimming! 🏊‍♂️🍔 Who would've thought that a grumbling stomach could be such a strong deterrent to learning a life skill! Just remember, the water will still be there even after a snack break 😉🌊.
5 months ago
Share →: If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Commentary:
"If food delivery apps had never been invented, my bank account would be thriving from all the money saved…but my survival instincts might have also been put to the test 🍔😅 #FeastOrFamine"