278 Funny never quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that the secret to human evolution was carbs and couch surfing? 🍕🛋️💪 #SurvivalOfTheWellFed"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the wise realization dawns upon us as we reach that magical age where the urge to speed home after work becomes all too relatable 🚗💨 Who knew our parents were onto something all this time? Maybe stopping to smell the roses can wait until retirement 💼🌹 #Adulting101"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

  Commentary:
  "Maybe Waldo is a hide-and-seek champion avoiding his fans, or he owes money to the IRS! 🕵️‍♂️💸 Let's turn the tables on Waldo – Where are you hiding, buddy? 🤔🔍"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

  Commentary:
  "Hey boy, are you the sun? ☀️ Because just like the sun in summer, you were shining bright in my life ☀️🔥 But now, it feels like you've decided to take a vacation to the other side of the world without warning! 🌍😂 #MIA #SunOrBoy"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, staying alive longer than your enemies is the ultimate power move! 💪🏼😄 Just keep on thriving, let karma do its work, and make some popcorn to watch the show! 🍿😏 #OutliveThemAll"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

  Commentary:
  "Living with a cat is like having a fuzzy little diva as a flatmate 🐱 They'll grace you with their presence when it suits them, but don't count on any Netflix marathons together! 😉 #CatRoommateWoes"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the wild and wonderful world of Twitter! 🐦🌟 Where you can always count on someone out there to out-crazy you, no matter how outlandish your thoughts may seem. It's a rollercoaster of madness and memes, but hey, at least you're not alone in your craziness! 🤪🤣 #TwitterTales

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

  Commentary:
  Oh boy, looks like even God is having second thoughts about his creation! 👀😂 Maybe he's regretting not reading the user manual before hitting the "create" button! 🤷‍♂️ Let's hope a software update can fix this glitch! 🤖 #DivineComedy

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the good old ninja days – when headbands were cool, and stealth was your best friend! 🥋😄 These days, kids are more likely to encounter virtual ninjas in video games than the real deal sneaking up on them! Remember, the silent but deadly ninja skills are forever timeless, just like a trusty pair of leg warmers. 😉🦹‍♂️ #NostalgiaNinjas

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the sweet satisfaction of a latecomer basking in the glow of not being the latest one to the party! 🕰️😄 It's the small victories in life that keep us ticking along, one tardy step at a time!"

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