714 Funny people quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

  Commentary:
  "Sorry, no threesomes here! If I wanted to let two people down, I'd just have dinner with my parents instead. 🤷‍♂️🚫 #ParentalDisappointmentWins"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the ultimate talent of navigating the treacherous checkout line maze! 🛒🤦‍♂️ It's like a secret power that always leads to the slowest line! Who knew selective incompetence could be so prevalent at the register? 😅 #ShoppingChronicles"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

  Commentary:
  "Who has time for proper pronunciation when it comes to delicious little potato pillows like gnocchi? 🥔😋 Let's just focus on the important stuff, like enjoying every bite! 🍴😄 #GnocchiGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

  Commentary:
  "Getting tinted windows to shield your aura of mystery? Just remember, sometimes you still need to share a piece of your mind… or finger? 🚗🕶️🖕 #TintedWindowsDilemma"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, you're your own worst critic! 🤔 But then social media be like, 'Challenge accepted!' 🍺😅 Just when you thought your self-doubt had the spotlight, here comes the internet ready to steal the show! 🌟 #JudgmentalWorld"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

  Commentary:
  "Watch out for those stormy gusts, skinny friends! 🌪️ Donuts are not just a treat, they're a protective shield against the forces of nature! 🍩💨 Safety first, waistline second! 😄"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the sweet temptation of a redo! 🔄 Just strolling by like 'Oh, sorry, I missed you there the first time…and the second time, and the third time…' 😂 Who wouldn't love a chance to make a memorable non-memorable first impression? 🚶‍♂️💨"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

  Commentary:
  "Imagine having a personal 'personal space alarm' that beeps whenever someone invades your bubble. 🚗💥😂 It would definitely make navigating through crowded places a lot more entertaining!"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the good old days of manual blocking! Back in my day, no need for fancy buttons or technology, just good ol' elbow grease and determination! 💪🤣 #VintageBlockingTechniques

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  5 months ago

  Share →: All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the bittersweet symphony of human interaction 🤷‍♂️ Some bring sunshine and rainbows ☀️🌈 while others bring bonus points for stealthy exits 🚪🏃‍♂️. It's a mixed bag of emotions and surprises! 😄 #PeopleAreFun"

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