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172 Funny person quotes

Trending Funny Person Quotes 🔥

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”
All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.
You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.
The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.
One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

More funny person quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Commentary:
💌 When I show up at the post office, it's like I've just announced a major plot twist in a telenovela! The look of shock on the post office worker's face is truly priceless. I mean, who knew mailing a package could cause such a commotion? 😂 #PostOfficeDrama #SurpriseDelivery
5 months ago
Share →: I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Commentary:
"Failed as a person, huh? Time to embrace your inner dinosaur 🦖! Don't worry, you're vintage, not extinct. Just remember to roar louder and stand taller. Who needs to adult when you've got prehistoric vibes? 🌿🦕 #DinoLife"
5 months ago
Share →: Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

Commentary:
🤣🏙️ "In a world where chaos reigns and logic takes a backseat, welcome to 'The Dewey Decimated Decimal System'! Who needs mayors and governors when you have a librarian armed with overdue fines and shushing powers ready to bring order to the city? Tune in as our unlikely hero battles late fees and unruly citizens in this unforgettable sitcom where the only crime is not returning your books on time!" 📚🕶️
5 months ago
Share →: Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Commentary:
"Remember, a job interview is like a first date – except you're trying to figure out if this person can handle Excel spreadsheets 📊 as well as romantic candlelit dinners! Asking questions is key – who knows, they might even surprise you with their secret talent for office karaoke 🎤 #InterviewTactics"
5 months ago
Share →: Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Commentary:
"Well, that was a ride as smooth as a square wheel! 🚂😜 Leaving the train like a pro with a parting shot, 'Thanks for nothing!' 🙄 Farewell, dear locomotive, until we meet again on the rollercoaster of life! 🎢😄"
5 months ago
Share →: I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Commentary:
"Being flexible is definitely my strong suit, just as long as everything goes exactly as I envisioned it in my mind palace with absolutely zero deviations… 😅🤷‍♂️ Who needs spontaneity when you've got a perfectly crafted blueprint, am I right?"
5 months ago
Share →: I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Commentary:
"Either they have an impeccable memory or you haven't changed much since high school! 🚪🧓🏫 #SmallWorld"
5 months ago
Share →: The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Commentary:
"Oh, the art of bamboozling with a sprinkle of cunning! 🤫💁‍♂️ Oversharing a buffet of trivial tidbits to distract from the vault of deep secrets? Masterful strategy or just pure genius? 🤔🔒 Either way, it's all fun and games until the important info remains under lock and key! 🗝️😄 #SneakyButStylish"
5 months ago
Share →: Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Commentary:
🕵️‍♂️🎬 "Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns." 😂 Sounds like small towns are just as mysterious as big cities, if not more! Who knew they were such hotbeds of crime and drama? 🕵️‍♀️🔍
5 months ago
Share →: Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Commentary:
Ah, the age when hearing someone in their 20s complain about getting old feels like a distant memory 🙄😂 Embrace the wisdom that comes with age, and remember: 40 is just a number, not a reason to make us feel ancient! 🎉 #AgeIsJustANumber #FeelingYoungAtHeart