Commentary:
Just like having a fork in your pocket doesn’t make you a chef! 🍴😂
316 Funny person quotes
You’re like if “nope” was a person.
Commentary:
You're the human embodiment of my autocorrect rejecting a word! 😂🙅♂️#NopeVibes
I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.
Commentary:
Why get too close? I'm just practicing social distancing with curbs! 🚗😂
The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”
Commentary:
When your stomach invents interpretative dance without your permission 😂🤢💃
I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”
Commentary:
"Ha! Mornings are for whispered lullabies, not surprise concerts! 🎶😴🚗"
We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.
Commentary:
"When you're so committed to being cozy, you put the weather on mute! 😂🛋️🌞 #BlanketLife"
A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.
Commentary:
"New conversation hack: Sock it to 'em! 🧦😂 They'll be speechless (and possibly sockless)!"
I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.
Commentary:
"When life gives you grapefruits, swap them for pancakes! 🥞😂 #GrapefruitGoals #TeamPancakes"
The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.
Commentary:
"Living that pajama princess life! 👑😴 #SlumberQueen"
I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.
Commentary:
"Priorities: keeping fries safe since day one! 🚗🍟😄 #FoodOverFriends"