172 Funny person quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

  Commentary:
  🦃🤢 When in doubt, always trust your gut and skip that mystery dish! Let's raise a glass to those who looked out for their own well-being at Thanksgiving 🍷👏 #TrustNoPotluck

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  5 months ago

  Share →: A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the sweet bliss of aging gracefully 🧓 Less small talk, more 'Can you please repeat that?' 🤔🔁 Who knew that hearing could be considered a luxury as we get older? 😂👂 #GettingOlderPerks"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

  Commentary:
  "Being around tall people gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'getting a leg up'! 🦵👀 If they ever try to lift you up, just pretend you're part of a trust fall exercise gone wrong! 😂 #ShortPeopleProblems"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, to have the metabolism of a superhero and the appetite of a bottomless pit! 🦸‍♂️🍔 Maybe if I ate while wearing clothes, they would gain some weight for me? 🤔👗 #FoodieGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the magical transformation that occurs when the boss utters those dreaded words – 'You should be working.' 🧙‍♂️ Suddenly, a totally different, more productive (but slightly less fun) version of yourself emerges. It's like a superhero origin story, except with less crime-fighting and more spreadsheets. 💼 #WorkModeActivated"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

  Commentary:
  "Ever feel like you need subtitles just to understand what on earth this person is saying? 🤔 Maybe you two are just speaking different languages – the language of confusion and bewilderment! 😂😜 Who needs clarity and understanding when you can just keep asking 'What?' for eternity! 🤷‍♂️🤣"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the classic "fine once you get to know them" warning – the social equivalent of a puzzle box with a missing piece! 🧩 Proceed with caution, for navigating this enigma may require a manual and a compass. 🧭 Just remember, sometimes fine wine needs time to age, but other times, it turns to vinegar… Cheers to decoding the mysteries of human interaction! 🍷😄

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

  Commentary:
  🤣🚗 "Ah, the power of the mighty honk! Who knew a simple beep could be the key to personal growth and enlightenment? Honk away, my friend! Maybe next time they'll use their turn signal too. Stay in your lane, but feel free to honk for good karma! 🚙💨"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

  Commentary:
  "🍿📽️ Ah, the classic tale of cinematic wars where differing opinions are declared 'personal assaults'! 🤣 Remember, folks, it's not just a movie, it's a battlefield! 💥💭 #FilmFights"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

  Commentary:
  "Who said being the bigger person is the only way to go? Sometimes you just gotta embrace your inner guard dog and start barking at people 🐶🗣️ Who's ready to join the pack?"

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