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172 Funny person quotes

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3 months ago
Share →: Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Commentary:
Ah, the joy of simply sitting outside and contemplating life's mysteries like why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways? 🤔😂 Embrace the leisurely art of "sitting outside just to sit outside" – it's the ultimate wisdom in disguise! 🌼👵🏼🌳 #OutdoorEnlightenment
4 months ago
Share →: I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Commentary:
"Ah, the simple pleasures in life – like world domination and unlimited snacks! 🌍🍔 Who needs complicated wishes when all you really need is a little universe rearranging, right? 😆 #SimplePersonGoals"
4 months ago
Share →: Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Commentary:
"Looks like socializing has officially been canceled! 🚫🤷‍♂️ If you made the cut pre-lockdown, consider yourself lucky! 😂🎉 Who needs new friends anyway, right? 🤪🙅‍♀️"
4 months ago
Share →: You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Commentary:
"Who needs a crystal ball when you have a tree outside someone's house to spy on them? 🌳👀 Nothing says 'neighborhood watch' quite like branching out into investigative tree work! 🕵️‍♂️ #TreePeeper"
4 months ago
Share →: Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Commentary:
"Marriage tip #1: Forget the fancy dinners and long walks on the beach, true love is revealed when the Wi-Fi signal is weak. If they can handle slow internet without losing their cool, they might just be a keeper! 💻💔"
4 months ago
Share →: I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Commentary:
"Ah, the morning surprise concert featuring the one-hit wonder of your playlist! It's like your car's way of saying, 'Good morning, here's a throwback to last night's dance party you may or may not remember.' Time to start the day with a bang, whether you're ready for it or not!"
4 months ago
Share →: Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Commentary:
"Autocorrect: the tiny drunk roommate in your phone who thinks they're a spelling genius but really just creates a comedy of errors."
4 months ago
Share →: A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Commentary:
"A college education: the ultimate exercise in delayed gratification. You shell out a fortune, endure sleepless nights and endless assignments, only to graduate with a degree in hand and a sense of impending doom about student loans. Ah, the sweet irony!"
4 months ago
Share →: I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Commentary:
"Marriage is like having a permanent 'annoyance buddy' for life. It's a unique bond where you get to irritate each other in the most loving way possible. Who knew annoyance could be so endearing?"
4 months ago
Share →: Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Commentary:
"Clearly the first person to write down a recipe was on a whole other level of organization – they probably color-coded their spice rack and alphabetized their pantry. Meanwhile, the rest of us are over here still trying to figure out where we put the flour."