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New funny quotes: 9678 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: May 25, 2026

 

 

 

 

309 Funny person quotes

Funny person quotes are all about those unique, hilarious individuals who bring laughter into our lives! 😄👤 Whether it’s someone who always has a clever comeback, a friend who’s just a little too honest, or a family member with the quirkiest habits, these quotes prove that every person is a potential source of comedy. Let’s celebrate the funny people who make life more fun! 😂🎉🙌

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Posted onMar 30, 2026

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

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