172 Funny person quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

  Commentary:
  "Living that 'private person by day, public oversharing by night' lifestyle 🤫💻 Embracing the art of social media therapy like a pro! 💁‍♂️💬 #KeepingItReal"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs serving size suggestions when you've got an appetite as ambitious as yours? 🍽️😂 Embrace your inner foodie and live life larger than a suggested scoop of ice cream! 🍦🙌 #EatWithGusto"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

  Commentary:
  Haha, talk about a colorful imagination! 🌈👁️🍊 It's as if they were on a vibrant naming spree and decided to mix up eye conditions with breakfast beverages! Just imagine, "Excuse me, is that pink eye in your eye or just some orange juice residue?" 😂

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  5 months ago

  Share →: An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the true sign of adulthood: strategically placed Ibuprofen stashes for any unexpected 'adulting' moments 😂💊 Because apparently, being prepared for headaches is the modern-day version of being responsible. Cheers to all the adults out there with their hidden pain relief treasure troves! 🙌"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like this person is on a collision course with destiny – or maybe just needs to swipe left on fate! 😅🔄 Don't worry, love sometimes has a surprise plot twist in store! 💖🎭 #WrongTiming #RightPerson"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

  Commentary:
  "Popcorn: the ultimate truth serum 🍿🧐 It's amazing how a snack can reveal a person's true colors! That's why I always bring extra butter to movie nights, you never know what revelations might pop up 😉🎬"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs self-improvement when you can just wear a snazzy jacket and pretend you've got it all together? 😎 Sometimes a killer outfit is all the therapy you need! 💁‍♂️ #Priorities"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The person who invented butter really understood humans.

  Commentary:
  Absolutely! 🧈🤔 It's like they said, "Humans gonna human, might as well give 'em butter!" 🙌😄 After all, who can resist the creamy, melt-in-your-mouth goodness of butter? 🤤 Thank you, butter inventor, for truly understanding our buttery desires! 🥳👏

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  5 months ago

  Share →: “Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

  Commentary:
  "Being the bigger person shouldn't mean you have to swallow disrespect like a bitter pill 🙅‍♂️ Stand tall and don't let anyone shrink your worth, unless you're getting paid to act in a movie about honeybees 🐝🎥"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the perfect arrangement for introverts: alone together! 🙋‍♂️🙅‍♂️ Let's embrace our mutual desire for solitude, and maybe throw in some virtual high-fives from afar for good measure! 🤝🌌 #IntrovertPals

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