Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,585

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Just landed via Slack:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

Breaking via Pinterest:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Just landed via YouTube:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Funny sailor quotes

Funny sailor quotes bring waves of laughter 🌊😂, capturing the cheeky spirit of life at sea ⚓️🐚. Whether you’re a salty seadog or just love nautical vibes, these witty sayings will have you grinning like a pirate with a treasure map 🏴‍☠️💰. Ready to sail into humor? Let’s dive into some maritime madness that’s shore to brighten your day! 🌟🚢

New funny sailor quotes 👇

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

3 weeks ago

cool, even, frustration, humor, i, ID, joke, know, landlubber, life, lose, losing, losing cool, me, nautical, sailor, sailor joke, sarcastic, sea, sea life
Sailors wish they could swear like me.

4 weeks ago

humor, language, me, profanity, sailor, swear, wish, wit
By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

1 month ago

addiction, cartoon, food, humor, man, Popeye, rehab, sailor, spinach, time

All funny sailor quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

44 shares on X this month:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Some of you have overdosed so hard on the propaganda, there’s nothing reality Narcan can do for you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,755

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I’m sick of living through history!

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Making waves on Threads:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Trending via Reddit:

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

Trending via Snapchat:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Spotted on YouTube:

You’ll never see Asian parents kissing, hugging, or in any form of romance, but boom, 5 children.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Spotted on Slack:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Live now on Slack:

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Dear wallet, please get pregnant.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴