"Thanks for your payment!" Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joy of paying bills…said no one ever! 💸💢 It's like a necessary evil we just can't escape! 😂"

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Commentary:
"Having a chat with yourself at the self-checkout? Just remember, even if you annoy yourself, at least you're always guaranteed some laughs! 🤣🛒 #TalkingToMyself #SelfCheckoutStruggles"

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can't keep my mouth shut.

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between wanting to be mysterious and the inability to filter our thoughts! 🤐 It's like trying to keep a lid on a pot of boiling pasta… you know it's gonna spill over eventually! 😜 Embrace your inner chatterbox, my friend – your honesty is the real mystery! 🤫✨"

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Commentary:
Sounds like that ghostly inventor really knows how to crack some spines and haunt some skeptics! 🔮👻 #SpookySpinalAdjustments

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Commentary:
"Ah, the rare art of being quiet at the right time! 🤐 Silence – the ultimate magnet of mystery and charm! Or maybe it's just that people find peace in your presence because you give their ears a break! 🤫"

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Commentary:
"Apparently some apps have a major case of diva syndrome 🌟 Like, excuse me, Mr. App, do you really need all the attention? Let our music play in peace! 🎶😂 #FirstWorldAppProblems"

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

Commentary:
"Introverts: 'Talk more and get out of your comfort zone!' 🗣️

Extroverts: 'Shush it and give the comfort zone some peace!' 🤫🛋️

Balance is key, folks! 😉"

I'm so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Commentary:
Ah, the good old days of manual blocking! Back in my day, no need for fancy buttons or technology, just good ol' elbow grease and determination! 💪🤣 #VintageBlockingTechniques

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

Commentary:
"Maybe being a Librarian isn't your calling, but you've definitely mastered the 'shushing' art! 🤫📚 Keep quiet and carry on, oh silent sage!"