27 Funny shut quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, yes, the ultimate challenge in marital diplomacy – disabling the facial subtitles! 🤐😄 It's like turning off the 'truth detector' setting on your expression display! 🚫🤨💬 #MarriageMysteries"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

  Commentary:
  "Taking a nap and waking up with a headache is like hitting the reset button on your brain, only to find out it's still running the same glitchy software! 💤🤕 #NapFail"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

  Commentary:
  "Seriously, the power of the tiny hammer should not be underestimated! ⚖️🔨 I mean, imagine being able to silence noisy colleagues with a bang – productivity levels would skyrocket! 🔇💥 Who knew a little tool could hold so much power in the workplace? 🤣 #TinyHammerBoss"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

  Commentary:
  Looks like he's accidentally treating the bathroom like a photo shoot! 📸 Maybe he's just trying to go for that "caught in the act" aesthetic? 🚽😄 Just a heads-up buddy, it's not the best setting for a surprise photo op! #BathroomBlunders

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the age-old strategy of outsmarting hoodlums by only keeping the most undesirable belongings in the garage! 🚗🔒 #Anti-TheftGoals #DeclutteringWithStyle"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: “Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the joy of paying bills…said no one ever! 💸💢 It's like a necessary evil we just can't escape! 😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

  Commentary:
  "Having a chat with yourself at the self-checkout? Just remember, even if you annoy yourself, at least you're always guaranteed some laughs! 🤣🛒 #TalkingToMyself #SelfCheckoutStruggles"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle between wanting to be mysterious and the inability to filter our thoughts! 🤐 It's like trying to keep a lid on a pot of boiling pasta… you know it's gonna spill over eventually! 😜 Embrace your inner chatterbox, my friend – your honesty is the real mystery! 🤫✨"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like that ghostly inventor really knows how to crack some spines and haunt some skeptics! 🔮👻 #SpookySpinalAdjustments

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