Commentary:
🤣 "Ah, the mysterious ways of the traumatized mind – capable of handling a crisis like a seasoned pro, yet get them near the vegetable aisle in a grocery store and all bets are off! It's like their survival instincts are on vacation while their anxiety decides to throw a party in the produce section! 🛒😱"

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.
Commentary:
Oh, the universe pulling a classic "let's see if you've learned anything" move! 🌌😂 It's like a cosmic replay button reminding us to level up and stop hitting repeat on the same ol' mistakes! Remember, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, well, maybe I need to reevaluate my life choices. 🔄🙈 #CosmicLessons
Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the fine art of pretending to be calm and collected in front of an audience 🙄 Patience and forbearance become your new best friends when the spectators are watching your every move! 😂 #PerformanceModeActivated"

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the mythical sitcom job where you work for 5 minutes a day and somehow afford a sprawling NYC apartment 🏙️. If only life imitated TV more often! 📺💸 #LivingTheDream"
Commentary:
"Looks like I've finally found someone who can multitask without even trying! 🤣💦 #Skills"
Commentary:
"Sure, I'm uncomfortable, but only in situations 🤷♂️ – because nothing puts me more at ease than a good ol' awkward moment! It's my specialty, really. Just call me the Connoisseur of Uncomfortable 😅💁♂️."

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.
Commentary:
"Sorry, no threesomes here! If I wanted to let two people down, I'd just have dinner with my parents instead. 🤷♂️🚫 #ParentalDisappointmentWins"
Commentary:
"Who knew the seemingly innocent sound of smacking could be so unsettling? 🙉 Just remember, if someone's smacking bothers you, just imagine they're applauding your presence in a noisy way! 👏😄"
Commentary:
Who knew the library had a strict "no clipping zones" policy? 🚫📚 Looks like even in the world of literature, some things are best kept to yourself…or at least saved for home spa day! 💅😂 #KeepItClassy