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I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.
“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.
Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.
My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.
I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.
My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.
My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Trendy Funny Quotes 🔥

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.
Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.
On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?
The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.
“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.
Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”
Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

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Funny quotes » social media

Funny social media quotes

Funny social media quotes bring a touch of humor to our digital lives! 📱😂 From hilarious posts to witty observations about online behavior, these quotes capture the amusing side of social networking. Enjoy a laugh as you scroll through your feeds and interact with the online world! 😄💬

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Posted on3 months ago2 months ago

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Posted on3 months ago2 months ago

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Posted on3 months ago2 months ago

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Posted on3 months ago2 months ago

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Posted on4 months ago2 months ago

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Posted on4 months ago2 months ago

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Posted on4 months ago2 months ago

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Posted on4 months ago2 months ago

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Posted on4 months ago2 months ago

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Posted on4 months ago2 months ago

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Posted on5 months ago2 months ago

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Posted on5 months ago2 months ago

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Posted on5 months ago2 months ago

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

Posted on5 months ago2 months ago

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Posted on5 months ago2 months ago

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

Posted on5 months ago5 months ago

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Posted on6 months ago2 months ago

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

Posted onMay 22, 20242 months ago

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

Posted onMay 21, 20242 months ago

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Posted onMay 9, 2024May 9, 2024

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Posted onMay 9, 2024May 9, 2024

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Posted onMay 7, 20242 months ago

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Posted onMay 6, 2024May 6, 2024

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