160 Funny things quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

  Commentary:
  "Well, blame it on the stars, not the folks who gave you life! 🌟✨ Looks like Mercury retrograde gets more airtime than family drama these days! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 #CosmicExcuses"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

  Commentary:
  "Sounds like that thief just couldn't handle the hard-hitting fashion choices of the homeowner! 💥 Who knew a walk-in closet could double as a ninja ambush? 🕶️🪓 Here's hoping the next intruder at least leaves a note praising your impeccable taste in clothing! 📝👗 #ClosetConcussions"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

  Commentary:
  Well, it sounds like you're brewing up some culinary magic! 🧙‍♀️ Who needs a recipe when you've got that fabulous witchy touch? Just don't forget the eye of newt and toe of frog! 😉🍲

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

  Commentary:
  "Sending your spouse stuff on social media is a slippery slope – one minute you're spreading love, the next minute you're redistributing chores like it's the Wild West 🤠. Proceed with caution, folks! 💻🧹 #MarriageMemes"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the timeless art of excelling at the forbidden! 🙈 Who needs rules when you can conquer the 'shouldn'ts' with such finesse? 😏 Embrace your talent for the unconventional and make even mischief look glamorous! 💫"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

  Commentary:
  "Remember folks, helmets are great for protecting your head from both physical dangers and political debates! 🤷‍♂️🤣 Better safe than sorry, right? Stay safe out there, both in action and conversation! 🪖🗣️"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

  Commentary:
  ☕️ "I'm on my fifth cup of coffee today – you should consider yourself lucky I can still form coherent sentences around you. You're welcome for my caffeine-fueled kindness." 😜

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, yes, the age-old wisdom of prioritizing phone time above all else. 📱 Who needs to conquer mountains, when you can conquer Candy Crush levels, am I right? 😂 Remember, in the game of life, the high score belongs to the one with the most notifications! #PhoneTimeIsPrimeTime"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the good old phone booths – the original training ground for our immune systems! 📞💪 Who needs a flu shot when you've braved the germs lurking in those tiny spaces? 😂 #RIPPhoneBooths #ImmuneSystemBootcamp

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the 90s, a time of questionable fashion choices and regrettable trends. Seems like your older brother fits right in there with mom's collection of 'ugly things'! 🙈😂 #ThrowbackFashionDisaster"

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