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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Going viral on YouTube:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Going bananas on Messenger:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Trending via LinkedIn:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

2 months ago

0

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, absolutely! 🧦🌀🚪 Socks mysteriously disappearing in the laundry can only mean one thing… They must be embarking on secret adventures through the elusive washing machine portal! Next time you do laundry, keep an eye out for any interdimensional travelers trying to hitch a ride on your clothes! 🕵️‍♂️✨

another, appliance, dimension, household, household appliance, humor, laundry, laundry humor, machine, missing, missing socks, portal, sock, socks, washing, washing machine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

0

2 months ago

30, communication, distraction, humor, middle, new, people, sentence, study, trail, trail off
I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

0

2 months ago

came, guy, hit, humor, i, irony, One Hit Wonder, phrase, phrases, term, wonder
Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

0

2 months ago

alarm, alarm clock, better, clock, daily, daily struggle, every, feel, humor, i, inheritance, job, just, life, me, morning, morning routine, much, office, office job, procrastination, routine, struggle, work, work life
Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

0

1 month ago

allowed, asking, authority, bathroom, believe, childhood, hell, i, life, memory, permission, school, sometimes, spent, teacher, told
Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

0

4 months ago

casual, casual research, humor, me, research, revelation, source, walk
One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

0

2 months ago

bra, embarrassment, got, high, humor, humor story, i, intoxication, misunderstanding, shot, situation, social, social situation, story, thought, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

51 shares on Discord this month:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,234

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Shared recently on WeChat:

If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

Trending via X:

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

Trending via Telegram:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Making waves on Facebook:

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

Going viral on Threads:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

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