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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Trending via Reddit:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Live now on LinkedIn:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You are the Monday of my life.

Live now on Threads:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Breaking via Instagram:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Spotted on Threads:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

2 months ago

0

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, absolutely! 🧦🌀🚪 Socks mysteriously disappearing in the laundry can only mean one thing… They must be embarking on secret adventures through the elusive washing machine portal! Next time you do laundry, keep an eye out for any interdimensional travelers trying to hitch a ride on your clothes! 🕵️‍♂️✨

another, appliance, dimension, household, household appliance, humor, laundry, laundry humor, machine, missing, missing socks, portal, sock, socks, washing, washing machine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

0

5 months ago

better, casual, casual conversation, conversation, day, ever, fashion, humor, let, me, outfit, procrastination, relatable, same, save
My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, child, development, humor, i, know, knowledge, linguistic, linguistic development, nothing, parenting, stage, why, why stage
Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

0

2 months ago

95, aging, brain, computer, feel, humor, i, mental, mental state, outdated, running, software, sometimes, state, still, system, technology, Windows, Windows 95
And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

0

2 months ago

fashion, humor, i, joke, next, sweatpants, today, transformation, trick, turn, yesterday
I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

0

2 months ago

attempt, awkwardness, comedy, even, failure, Funny, humor, humor attempt, i, joke, joke failure, meeting, nobody, online, online meeting, social, social awkwardness, today, told, workplace, Zoom, Zoom meeting
You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

0

1 month ago

age, aging, attitude, being, called, care, cool, cooler, geezer, humor, less, only, paradox, self-acceptance, true

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Instagram this month:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

13 shares on Discord this month:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

25 shares on Discord this month:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“I can’t possibly lose this if I put it here” I say to myself before completely forgetting where here is.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,679

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Spotted on Telegram:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Going viral on Telegram:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Shared recently on Threads:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Shared recently on YouTube:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

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