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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Jan 6, 2026

3,624

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Making waves on Threads:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Shared recently on X:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Just shared via Facebook:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Seen just now on Slack:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Just shared via X:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Just landed via Telegram:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Making waves on Messenger:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Making waves on Threads:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Later is the best time to do anything.

2 months ago

0

Later is the best time to do anything.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Later is the best time to do anything…said every procrastinator ever! 🕰️⏳ Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow, right? Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets to sleep in! 😜 #ProcrastinationNation"

best, best time, humor, later, management, procrastination, time, time management

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, disbelief, humor, i, joke, just, mall, okay, real, reality, Santa, saw, surprise
I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

0

2 months ago

adult, adulthood, choice, humor, i, just, life, life choice, me, not working, responsibility, thought, work, working
Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

0

2 months ago

awkward, communication, humor, interaction, joke, misunderstanding, nothing, offline, offline people, online, online joke, people, social, social interaction, tell, trying
Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

0

2 months ago

dating, entanglement, humor, love, physics, quantum, quantum entanglement, quantum physics, relationship, secret, single, thing, third
People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

0

2 months ago

comparison, humor, life, losers, lottery, most, odds, people, tickets
Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

0

2 months ago

crazy, harry, Harry Potter, high, high school, i, never, potter, school, sort, war

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

57 shares on Threads this month:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

43 shares on Telegram this month:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

57 shares on Discord this month:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

48 shares on X this month:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“Unavailable” is my favorite state to be in.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,457

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m not feeling very worky today.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Just landed via Discord:

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Going viral on Messenger:

Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Spotted on Reddit:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

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