Wordgag ツ

More funny quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: “Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal question: 'Are you busy tomorrow?' 🤔 Well, my availability hinges on the nature of your request. Will it be tackling Mount Laundry, defeating the dishes, or embarking on a noble quest to find the remote control? 🧹🍽️🗡️ Let me know, and I'll consider rearranging my hectic schedule of Netflix marathons and cat naps accordingly! 😄"
5 months ago
Share →: The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Commentary:
"The 'E' in my name stands for 'Everything you need.' 🌟 So basically, I'm your one-stop shop for awesomeness! 💁‍♂️💼 #AllHailE"
5 months ago
Share →: I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Commentary:
"Flirting 101: Step 1 – Master the art of insults with style 😏🔥 Step 2 – Hope they appreciate your unique charm! 😉💬 #SmoothOperator"
5 months ago
Share →: Returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.

Commentary:
Well, well, well, looks like we've got a modern-day Pygmalion on our hands! 🖨️💥 Turning a 3D printer into a 4D printer – printing printers, who needs the Matrix when you've got this level of meta? 😂👏 #WhoPrintsThePrinters
$Math is like Chinese to me.$

5 months ago
Share →: Math is like Chinese to me.

Commentary:
"Ah, math can indeed feel like deciphering ancient Chinese scrolls at times! 🧮🈶 Don't worry, with a little practice and perseverance, you'll be speaking the language of numbers fluently in no time! 🤓📚 #MathIsMandarin"
5 months ago
Share →: Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Commentary:
"Food and sex – two irresistible temptations in life! 💋🍔 Just like how even the most unappetizing meal starts to seem appealing when you haven't eaten, sometimes a little deprivation can make everything seem enticing. Bon appétit or bon amour, embrace the cravings in moderation! 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Commentary:
It's funny how something as simple as the sun setting can lead to the creation of the concept of a "day." 😄 Talk about drawing quick conclusions! Those first Humans must have been like, "Well, the sun's done its thing, guess it's time to hit the hay!" 🌞🛌 #DayCalledBySun
5 months ago
Share →: I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Commentary:
"Imagine the Instagram captions during the zombie apocalypse: 'Just snacking on Bob's brain, brain-utiful flavor! 💀🧠 #ApocalypseEats' 😂 Let's hope those zombies have a good eye for filters amidst all the chaos! 📸🧟"
5 months ago
Share →: I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Commentary:
"If only burning calories could be as effortless as consuming them 🍔💤 Maybe we should invent a workout routine that involves napping and overeating – then we'd all be fitness experts in no time! 💪😴🍕"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Commentary:
"Being awesome is a full-time job, and yesterday's shift really wore me out! 😅💪 Today, I might just settle for 'slightly above average' and call it a win. #AwesomeStruggles"