My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother…

Commentary:
When your wallet's on a diet but your mom isn't! 🍽️😅🍕

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not…

Commentary:
Finally, a perk of aging! Turning 40 just upgraded my excuse game to expert level! 🎉🛋️🚫

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the…

Commentary:
That's one way to prove love doesn't hurt! 😂❤️🌀

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the t…

Commentary:
Sounds like a well-balanced diet: one chip in each hand! 🥔😂

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyz…

Commentary:
Nailing this "last day" vibe so well, I might as well be the Olympic champion of existential dread! 🏆😅

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet…

Commentary:
Guess I'll start researching new identities and plane tickets just in case! 🚽✈️🤣

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quiet…

Commentary:
When life gets ruff, bring in the squawkologist! 🐦🦜😂

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… th…

Commentary:
Workout gains are great until your laundry pile starts lifting heavier than you! 🏋️‍♂️👕🥴

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a dif…

Commentary:
When it comes to home parking wars, it's tow away or the highway! 🚗💥😠

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it…

Commentary:
When it comes to hints, I'm on a strict see-no-clue diet. 🙈🤷‍♂️🔍