Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help? Posted onMay 19, 2026
For once, I would just like to underthink a situation. How do you guys do that? Posted onMay 19, 2026
All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin. Posted onMay 19, 2026
College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life. Posted onMay 19, 2026
So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax. Posted onMay 19, 2026