Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help? Posted onMay 19, 2026
For once, I would just like to underthink a situation. How do you guys do that? Posted onMay 19, 2026
All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin. Posted onMay 19, 2026
College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself. Posted onMay 19, 2026