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Ah, yes, the age-old debate: Pee before shower or the multitasker special? 🚿😂🚽
Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.
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Why keep it to yourself when you can share it with the world and regret it later? 😂🔊 #NoFilter
How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?
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I believe the only way to stop is if the ice cream witnesses protection program moves it to a new container 😂🍦🚫
If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.
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If I suddenly declare my undying love, don't worry, it's just the end of the world as we know it! 💘🌍😂
There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.
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Looks like the real wolves were just good actors in suits! 🐺💼😂
My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.
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Guess she used the ol' "plants need shade" argument! 🌿😎☀️
“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”
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Ghosting: the silent art of disappearing without learning any ninja skills! 🥷👻😂
They should invent crushes that like you back.
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When I try that, it's called Wi-Fi! 📶😂💘
It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.
Commentary:
Those chipmunks always know how to live it up! I hope they saved some sunscreen for the squirrels! 😎🛁🍹🦉
I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.
Commentary:
Whoop there it is! 🎶 Just dropping a beat and some laughs! 😂🎉