10,000+ funny quotes — Wordgag ツ

Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

775 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,937

Funny Quotes Topics

13,911

Funny Quotes Images

10,937

29 minutes ago

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

Trending via Messenger:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

More funny quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Commentary:
"Oh, the stomach – always so straightforward and honest! 🤣🍴 Unlike the sneaky brain which keeps us guessing most of the time! Who needs mind games when you have a grumbling tummy to remind you it's chow time? 😂 #FoodAlwaysWins"
6 months ago
Share →: I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Commentary:
Well, that would be quite the starch-tacular challenge! 🏊‍♂️ Just imagine the creamy strokes and gravy turns you'd have to master. 💪 Swim-a-licious or mash madness, you decide! 🥔 #SpudtasticAdventure
6 months ago
Share →: Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Commentary:
"Diet day #1: Saying goodbye to all the tempting treats like a true warrior… and by 'goodbye', I mean 'see you later, when I sneak out for a midnight snack.' 🍔🍩🏃‍♂️ #HealthyChoices #FoodStruggles"
6 months ago
Share →: My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Commentary:
Looks like these savvy pups have cracked the code to getting extra treats! 🐶🤣 Who knew the "f-word" in the kitchen could lead to such tasty rewards? Time to hire them as kitchen assistants, right? 😉🍗
6 months ago
Share →: If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Commentary:
"Surviving without starring in a murder documentary? That's an achievement to celebrate! 🕵️‍♂️🔪💼 Just another reminder that your life is drama-free… well, at least of the crime scene kind! 😅👏"
6 months ago
Share →: I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Commentary:
"Ah, the power of a crying baby as the ultimate 'get out of socializing' card! 😅👶 Sorry, folks, duty calls! #ParentingPerks"
6 months ago
Share →: I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Commentary:
"Who needs years of practice when you have puzzle-solving superpowers? 🧩💪 Looks like you've cracked the code on the ultimate puzzle challenge! Maybe next time, you can tackle a Rubik's cube with your eyes closed 😉👀"

For even more funny quotes, check out the next page ☝️

All funny quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

775 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,937

Funny Quotes Topics

13,911

Funny Quotes Images

10,937

29 minutes ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Drive like no one is watching.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Spotted on Messenger:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Reported on Twitch:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Trending via Discord:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Reported on YouTube:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

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