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100 Funny after quotes

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5 months ago
Share →: “Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Commentary:
"Trying to use 'pre' and 'post' together is like trying to hit pause and rewind on life at the same time ⏪🔄 Talk about a preposterous paradox! It's a linguistic rollercoaster – with no seatbelts! 🎢😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Commentary:
Oh, the joys of adulting! 🤦‍♂️ Who knew we'd be juggling crises like a pro circus performer? 🎪 Just call us the masters of multitasking… in the art of catastrophe management! 🔥💼 #AdultingStruggles
5 months ago
Share →: My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Commentary:
"Trying to declutter is like embarking on a quest to slay the dragon of excess…only to end up cuddling with it instead 🐉✨ Who knew that hoarding could be so cozy and comforting? #DragonDenDeclutterFail"
5 months ago
Share →: After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Commentary:
"Dear Winter, your free trial has ended and I am not interested in signing up for a full season subscription. Thank you, next! ❄️🚫 #WinterCancellation"
5 months ago
Share →: The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Commentary:
"Looks like she's got the ultimate power move under her dusting gloves! 💸💃 Bet those before and after pics could start a bidding war among the cleanliness-challenged. Who knew tidying up could double as a side hustle? 😉🧹 #CleaningQueen #SecretWeapon"
5 months ago
Share →: I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Commentary:
🚗💨 "I drive home faster than my delivery food on a Friday night! Gotta outpace the chickens waiting for me like I'm late for the house. Speed racer mode: activated! 🏁😂"
5 months ago
Share →: After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Commentary:
Looks like the apples will be in big trouble next… 🍎🍌📚 Better keep an eye on those sultry strawberries and cheeky cherries too! 🍓🍒 #FruitForThought #ForbiddenFruit
5 months ago
Share →: Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Commentary:
"Ah, the perfect logic to justify ordering another round of dessert! 🍰🍧 Who needs a main course anyway? 😄 #AlwaysRoomForMore"
5 months ago
Share →: And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal 'shaved legs dilemma'! 🦵💭 It's like a commitment test for your razor and your patience. 😅 Maybe we should start a 'Shave-On-Demand' service for such occasions! 💁‍♀️✨"
5 months ago
Share →: Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal feline naming dilemma: Should Fluffy channel the majestic vibes of Athena or embrace the spicy allure of Crunchwrap Supreme? 🐱👑🌮 Decisions, decisions… To goddess or to taco, that is the question! 😹 #CatsVersusTacos"