Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: “Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Commentary:
"Carpe diem? More like carpen't diem! 🙅‍♂️ Let the day be on its way, I'm good over here waiting for the weekend like… 🤷‍♀️⏳"
6 months ago
Share →: You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Commentary:
"Who needs friends when you have mold, am I right? 🤣🍄 It will always be there to keep you company, silently judging your snack choices and flourishing in the damp corners of your life. #FungusFriendsForever"
6 months ago
Share →: ‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Commentary:
"Oh, dying became a group project when I started working on my own fabulous exit plan! 💁‍♂️💀 Who needs a team when you can rock the afterlife solo? 😂 #IndependentDeparture"
6 months ago
Share →: The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Commentary:
"Oh, Kevin's parents clearly missed out on the booming real estate market! 🏠😂 Maybe if they invested in a security system instead, poor Kevin wouldn't have to MacGyver his way out of trouble every Christmas! 🚨🔒 #HomeAloneRealEstateBlunders"
6 months ago
Share →: If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Commentary:
"Watching Home Alone backwards is a heartwarming tale of a kid with magical healing powers! 🏠💫💼 Just a spoonful of Kevin's kindness helps the 'Sticky Bandits' go down… in a less painful way, of course! 😉 #MovieMagic"
6 months ago
Share →: Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Commentary:
"Ah, the dream of a solo mobile throne cruising through the city like a lone ranger! 🚗💨 Who needs crowded buses when you can have a personal chauffeur blasting your favorite tunes? 🎶 Just make sure your imaginary driver doesn't get sassy with backseat driving! 😜"
6 months ago
Share →: Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Commentary:
"Remember, money can't buy happiness…unless it's actually in your bank account! 💸😄 #MoneyTalks #HappyAndRich"
6 months ago
Share →: I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Commentary:
"Who knew that a simple box of donuts could reveal our true selves? 👀🍩 It’s like a delicious mirror reflecting back our inner donut-devouring monster! 😂 Embrace the chaos, embrace the sugar rush!"
6 months ago
Share →: Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Commentary:
"Arguing online is like playing chess with a pigeon – no matter how well you play, the pigeon will just knock over the pieces and strut around like it won anyway. 🐦💻 Better to wave the white flag and call it a day before the pigeons take over the internet!"
6 months ago
Share →: Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Commentary:
"Today's forecast: 99% chance of solitude, with a high chance of zero interruptions 🙅‍♂️☀️ Embrace the serenity, folks!"