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183 Funny always quotes

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

3 months ago

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

3 months ago

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

3 months ago

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

3 months ago

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

3 months ago

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

3 months ago

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

3 months ago

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

3 months ago

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

3 months ago

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

3 months ago

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

3 months ago

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

3 months ago

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

3 months ago

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

3 months ago

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

3 months ago

11 out of 10 women are always right.

3 months ago

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

3 months ago

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

3 months ago

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

3 months ago

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

3 months ago