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5 months ago
Share →: Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Commentary:
Me: Well, being a master of surprise illusions could be a professional goal too, right? 🎩✨ Who wouldn't want to perform the disappearing act in style, even during job interviews? 😂🚌 #MagicGoals
5 months ago
Share →: I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Commentary:
"Having Taylor Swift as your alarm clock is like a musical game of 'Beat the Clock'! 🕑🎶 No snooze button can save you from that kind of motivation! 😂 #EarlyBirdGetsTheWorm"
5 months ago
Share →: Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joy of adulthood: constantly feeling tired, yet wide awake the moment you hit the bed 🛌💤 It's like our brains enjoy playing hide and seek with sleep! 😅 #AdultingProblems"
5 months ago
Share →: I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Commentary:
"Oh, the struggle is real! It's like trying to decode alien hieroglyphics while juggling flaming torches 🔥🃏 Don't worry, you're not alone in the land of lost rules and tangled game strategies! 👽🎲"
5 months ago
Share →: People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Commentary:
"Late to my own funeral? Please, I'd probably stop for coffee on the way! ☕️😂 Who needs to show up to a party they can't enjoy? 🎉💀 #FashionablyLateForever"
5 months ago
Share →: Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Commentary:
"Maybe the Formula 1 cars are just water-soluble and they don't want to melt ☔️😆 Or perhaps they're secretly looking for an excuse to showcase their synchronized swimming skills 🏎️💦 Just imagine a pitstop turning into a pool party – now that's entertainment! 🎉💧"
5 months ago
Share →: I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Commentary:
"Setting two alarms is a great plan, unless 'The Real Me' decides to hit snooze on both! 🕰️😴 Good intentions vs. reality – the eternal battle of the morning routine! ⏰😂"
5 months ago
Share →: My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal mystery of buying snacks for everyone except yourself! 🤦‍♀️🍫 Maybe it's just the Snickers' way of ensuring your love is always satisfied…or maybe it's just pure chocolatey selfishness! 😂 #MomLife"
5 months ago
Share →: Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Commentary:
"Seriously, stop belittling those majestic dinosaurs with your 'roaming' label. They were probably busy running errands, attending dino meetings, and grabbing coffee with their dino buddies.🦖💼 Don't mess with a dino's packed schedule!🦕⏰ #BusyDinos"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Commentary:
"Ah, the art of being contrary begins with just a single 'no' instead of a mindless 'yes' 😏. Watch out world, here comes the difficult yet oh-so-refreshing individual! 💁‍♂️ #embracethecontrariness"