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New funny quotes: 10 this month

15,835 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 19, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

309 Funny always quotes

Funny always quotes are all about those habits or situations that never seem to change — no matter how much we wish they would! 🙄😂 Whether it’s always being late, always forgetting your keys, or always saying “just one more episode,” these quotes remind us that some things are just a constant source of humor. Guess some things are just meant to stay the same! 😂🔁⏰

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

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