Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Commentary:
"Ah, the modern-day 'I'm here for you, but also conveniently ghosting you' reassurance! 😆📱 Don't worry, I'm just a few unanswered calls away from reaching out…eventually! ⏳💬"

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the magical time when leftovers start developing autonomy 🍲🤖. They are probably having a party in your fridge while plotting their escape mission! Time to set them free, brave soul 😄👋."

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Commentary:
📦 "Ah, the classic case of 'box tossing remorse' – who knew that a simple cardboard container could spark such existential uncertainty? 🤔 Perhaps in 20 years, that box will be celebrated as a lost treasure, forever haunting your husband's dreams… 😅 Just remember, in the world of boxes, one person's trash is another person's future storage solution!"

Don't argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Commentary:
"Relationship advice level: Expert! 🧠💔 Next time someone tries to pick a fight with you, just hit 'em with the 'ex' card and make a swift exit. Smooth moves, smooth operator! 😄"