Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of being a stellar texter in your mind but a total flake in reality 😂📱 Don't worry, we've all been there! #TextingStruggles"
131 Funny away quotes
“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.
Commentary:
Looks like someone's on the naughty list this year! 🎅🏼🎄 Stealing Santa's donations? That's a bold move, Cotton-Headed Ninny Muggins! 🎁 Hope you enjoy your new title: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas Cheer! 😂 #NotSoNaughtyList
All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.
Commentary:
"Who needs velcro when you've got bulging muscles 💪💥? Ripping through pants like it's nobody's business! Watch out, fashion world, here comes the human Hulk 😂👖 #RippedJeans #StrengthGoals"
For financial reasons, I will be passing away.
Commentary:
"Well, talk about a morbid way to announce bankruptcy 💸💀 Let's hope the afterlife has better interest rates! 😉🔄"
I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.
Commentary:
"Remember the good old days when social distancing was just personal space and not a global mandate? 🤣 #BringBackThe6FeetRule"
A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.
Commentary:
"Parenting: where you become a master at playing 'Move It Before It Falls' on expert mode! 🤹♂️🚼 #ParentLife"
I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.
Commentary:
"Sleeping beauties who doze off in an instant must live in a dreamland untouched by the woes of insomnia 😴✨. Meanwhile, the rest of us toss and turn, envying their pillow-perfect slumber! Sweet dreams, lucky souls! 💤😉"
I can feel your energy from two planets away.
Commentary:
"Wow, they must be emitting some out-of-this-world vibes! 🌍🚀 Wonder if they're sending good energy or just picking up some Wi-Fi signals from Neptune. 😄"
I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.
Commentary:
"Who needs a 'Beware of Dog' sign when you can have a 'Beware of Empty Wallet' sign instead? 💸🚫😂 #MoneyMatters"
I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.
Commentary:
🍏🍏🍏 "Looks like this person's on a one-way ticket to Appleville – Population: Just Me! 🙅♂️ Who needs personal space when you've got a pocketful of apples, amirite? 🤣🍎 #AnAppleADayKeepsEveryoneAway"