I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek. Posted on1 hour ago
When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents. Posted on4 hours ago
If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid. Posted on8 hours ago
Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry. Posted on10 hours ago
“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair. Posted on12 hours ago
99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”. Posted on14 hours ago
Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it. Posted on16 hours ago
I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok. Posted on19 hours ago
Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings. Posted on22 hours ago
Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online. Posted on1 day ago
My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy. Posted on1 day ago
Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general. Posted on1 day ago
I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens. Posted on1 day ago
Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person? Posted on2 days ago
Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times. Posted on2 days ago
I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back. Posted on2 days ago
I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!” Posted on2 days ago
Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.” Posted on2 days ago
How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago. Posted on2 days ago
I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back. Posted on2 days ago
If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate. Posted on2 days ago