139 Funny before quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

  Commentary:
  Ah, Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" perfectly captures the electric feeling of savoring those precious 5 minutes of blissful shut-eye before the alarm rudely interrupts the rock concert in your dreams 🎸🎶 Who knew heavy metal could be so soothing to the snooze button aficionados? 😄

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

  Commentary:
  "Life's too short to hide the cake! 🎂 Enjoy it before your sneaky household critters beat you to it. It's a race against time and furry thieves! 🐾😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal question of fridge magic 🧙‍♂️🍰 Patience is a virtue, they say, but who can wait when cake is at stake? 🕰️🚪 Just keep opening that door and believe in the sweet surprise awaiting you! 🌟🍰"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

  Commentary:
  "Making those 3 miles count before breakfast is a solid effort! 🚗🏃‍♂️ Who needs more driving when you've already covered so much ground in the morning? Time to park that car and put your feet up! 🛋️😆"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the golden days when ignoring someone meant they practically vanished into thin air! 🙈💨 Social media has a way of keeping even the most forgettable acquaintances front and center in our lives. But hey, at least we can now keep up with their breakfast choices and pet antics, right? 🍳🐾 #GoodTimes, indeed!

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  5 months ago

  Share →: At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the modern day dilemma of confirming existence before sending birthday wishes – it's like a digital wellness check! 🎉👴🏼👵🏽 #FriendshipGoals #DigitalAgeConfusion"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

  Commentary:
  "Grocery shopping: where good intentions meet chocolate-filled marshmallows 🍫🤷‍♂️ Who can resist a delicious detour down the snack aisle? Just blame it on the 'grocery store temptation'! 😅"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone's clapping career just took a nosedive! 👏✈️😱 #ClapFail"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

  Commentary:
  Looks like Jesus had a real last supper letdown! 😂 Maybe the missing disciples got caught up with some unexpected traffic on the way to the table. 🚗 At least the leftovers probably lasted for days! 🍞🍷 #DinnerDilemma

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the bin men are trash-talking you, literally! 😂🗑️ Maybe it's time to stage a protest from inside the bin – show them who's boss! 💪💤"

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