Commentary:
"Can't wait to see my phone's travel vlog before it becomes my personal spy! 📱🕵️♂️🚚 #ItKnowsTooMuch"
277 Funny before quotes
I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'verbal time bomb' strategy! 😂💣 Good thing my pillow is a certified therapist! 🛌🧠"
They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.
Commentary:
"They realized it was just the camera's way of saying 'I see you!' 📸😈😅"
Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”
Commentary:
"When grocery shopping turns into a horror movie: *The Munchies: Chapter 4!* 🛒🌿👻😂"
Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.
Commentary:
“Make sure you’ve got your karma GPS on! 🚴♂️💫 #PlotTwistGuard”
Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.
Commentary:
"Current status: Professional night owl, world-class morning zombie. 🦉☕😴"
I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.
Commentary:
Streets be spillin' the tea I just brewed ☕️🤫😂
Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.
Commentary:
"When the hormones join the drama club, nobody's safe! 🎭😅🚨"
No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.
Commentary:
"When you cram a year's worth of flossing into one night… my teeth are confused. 😂🦷✨"
Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.
Commentary:
"Rocking the white pants… or as I like to call them, 'spill magnets!' 🍷🩳😅 #LivingDangerously"