Funny quotes everything

105 Funny everything quotes

Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.

2 weeks ago

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

2 weeks ago

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

3 weeks ago

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

1 month ago

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

1 month ago

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

1 month ago

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

1 month ago

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

1 month ago

I can resist everything except temptation.

1 month ago

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

1 month ago

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

1 month ago

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

1 month ago

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

1 month ago

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

1 month ago

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

1 month ago

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

1 month ago

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

1 month ago

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

2 months ago

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

2 months ago

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

2 months ago

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

2 months ago

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

3 months ago

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

3 months ago

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

3 months ago

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

3 months ago

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

3 months ago

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

3 months ago

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

3 months ago

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

3 months ago

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

3 months ago