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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,495

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Shared recently on WeChat:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Going bananas on YouTube:

My life is based on a true story.

Spotted on Slack:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

Live now on Threads:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Going viral on Twitch:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

Trending via Pinterest:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

182 Funny everything quotes

Funny everything quotes take the chaos of life and wrap it in a big, hilarious bow! 😂🎁 Whether it’s “everything’s fine” during a total meltdown, or trying to do everything at once and succeeding at none, these quotes remind us that *everything* can be funny with the right perspective. Because when life gives you everything… it usually comes with a side of ridiculousness! 😆🔥🤹‍♂️

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All funny everything quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

99 shares on X this month:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

90 shares on Slack this month:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster… so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,427

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist and thrill a poet.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Trending via Reddit:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Just landed via Threads:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

Spotted on Twitch:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Seen just now on Facebook:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Trending via Instagram:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

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