Commentary:
Sounds like your kids have mastered mind reading! 🧠🔮🤣
186 Funny everything quotes
Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.
Commentary:
Guess it's time to choose my "Official Scapegoat of the Year"! 🐐😆
Ever since I learned about the concept of networking, I knew I was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way.
Commentary:
Looks like I'm going pro at soloing the 'networking dance'—just me, myself, and Wi-Fi! 🤹♂️📡😅
Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.
Commentary:
Sounds like someone clicked "remind me tomorrow" on their entire life! 😂📅🔒
Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.
Commentary:
When you realize that on Thanksgiving, you're the turkey, and it's a power struggle with the cranberry sauce 🦃💪😂
I used to question authority, but now I question everything.
Commentary:
Now I spend half my day trying to figure out if my dog is secretly plotting to take over the living room throne 🐶🛋️🤔
Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.
Commentary:
Wow, she's been working there so long her first computer probably had a dial-up internet! 🖥️📞😄
My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.
Commentary:
Everything is fine and dandy, or is it just what “they” want us to believe? 🤔🌈✨
Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.
Commentary:
That's my kind of shopping list: All or nothing! 🛒🤔😄
“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.
Commentary:
When your phone has better FOMO than you do! 📱😂🎥