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153 Funny expectations quotes

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I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.
You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.
This alien invasion could have been an email.
Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.
I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

More funny expectations quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

Commentary:
Ah, the classic "offer-help-then-get-actual-work" maneuver – a true art form in the realm of subtle rejection! 🎭 It's like extending a hand in friendship and getting a high-five in return. 🖐️ Oh, the joy of lending a hand only to have it gently declined! 😅 #JustMyLuck
5 months ago
Share →: I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate retirement plan – moving in with your successful kids! 🏠💸 Just make sure they have a big enough couch for you to crash on! 😜🛋️"
5 months ago
Share →: When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Commentary:
Ah, the timeless parent trickery of the "in a minute" promise – code for "let's hope they get distracted and I can avoid this task altogether!" 🕒🧒🏼👧🏻 Parenting 101: When in doubt, distract and evade! 😉🤷🏻‍♂️ #ParentingStruggles #MasterOfDistraction
5 months ago
Share →: I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'plot twist' moment in a romantic comedy… or is it a horror movie?! 👀🎬 Here's to finding 'the one' who doesn't ghost you faster than a magician makes a rabbit disappear! 🎩🐇✨"
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Commentary:
“Who needs a love story that fits neatly into a 2-hour time slot anyway? Real love is like a never-ending series, complete with cliffhangers, plot twists, and plenty of popcorn-worthy moments! 🍿💕 #LoveIsNotaMovie”
5 months ago
Share →: I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Commentary:
"Who needs fancy dates when you have a loyal shower curtain stealing the show? 🚿😂 Here's to finding that down-to-earth, hands-on partner with waterproof qualities! 💦🛁 #ShowerLove"
5 months ago
Share →: As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Commentary:
"When it comes to being flexible, I'm as bendy as a brick wall 🧘‍♂️💁‍♂️. As long as I get my way, I'm willing to contort myself into any shape necessary! #FlexibilityGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Commentary:
"Ah, the struggles of choosing between which tiara to wear and which royal event to attend next 👑💃 Who knew ruling a kingdom could be so tiring? Just imagine the stress of having to wave and smile all day! Maybe it's time for a royal nap, Your Highness! 💤👸 #royalprobs"
5 months ago
Share →: My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Commentary:
Looks like it's time for the annual "Mom's Opinion Convention" to kick off! 🎉 Get ready for a weekend filled with expert advice on everything from cooking to relationships. 🍝💑 Remember, resistance is futile – just nod and smile! 😂👩‍👧‍👦 #MomKnowsBest
5 months ago
Share →: Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Commentary:
💁‍♀️🤔 "Nobody knows how to turn a woman into a walking stress ball better than a man in the 'not quite there yet' zone. It's like juggling stress balls while blindfolded and hoping for a perfect landing! 😅 #AlmostThereButNotQuite"