Funny quotes fun

535 Funny fun quotes

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

5 days ago

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

5 days ago

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

5 days ago

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

1 week ago

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

1 week ago

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

1 week ago

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

1 week ago

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

1 week ago

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

1 week ago

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

1 week ago

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

1 week ago

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

3 weeks ago

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

3 weeks ago

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

3 weeks ago

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

4 weeks ago

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

4 weeks ago

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

4 weeks ago

I only drink when I people.

4 weeks ago

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

4 weeks ago

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

4 weeks ago

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

1 month ago

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

1 month ago

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

1 month ago

I am single, please disturb me!

1 month ago

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

1 month ago

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

1 month ago

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

1 month ago

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

1 month ago

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

1 month ago

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

1 month ago