You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Commentary:
"Who needs fun when you've got alcohol? It's like a liquid party in a bottle! 🍸🎉 Just remember to drink responsibly… or not, we won't judge!"

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Commentary:
"Decisions, decisions… 🤔 Who knew stupidity could be so tempting? 😂 Perhaps the key to eternal happiness lies in embracing the blissfully ignorant side! 🤪 #LifeGoals"

For the record, I use a turntable.

For the record, I use a turntable.

Commentary:
"Oh, you still use a turntable? Bringing back the retro vibes, I see! 🎶🕺 Old school cool or just avoiding the skip button – the world may never know! 🔄💿 #VinylIsFinal"

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Commentary:
"Ah, the simple joys of life summed up perfectly! 🍹🍹 Who needs profound existential questions when you can have two cocktails and a good meal?! 🍴😄 #LivingTheDream"

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Commentary:
"Who needs a grueling Ironman when you can conquer the challenge of consecutive social gatherings?! 🎉🏊‍♂️🚴‍♂️🏃‍♂️🥂 #SocialButterfly"

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Commentary:
"Life isn't just a rollercoaster, it's a whole playground of emotions! 🎢 When things get tough, make them do the limbo – just let the bad times crawl on by. And as for the acceptable times? Well, let them have their own little hopscotch tournament! 🕺#EmotionalHopscotch"

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Commentary:
"Seriously, who do we talk to about extending weekends? It's like we blink and it's already Monday again! 🙈 Can we get a petition going for #MoreWeekendPlease? 📝⏳"

If liars' pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Commentary:
"If liars' pants caught on fire, I bet the weather segment would be really hot 🔥👖😂 #FakeNewsFirestorm"

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Commentary:
Who needs a therapist when you have a spacious living room and a killer playlist! 💃🏡 Let those walls be witnesses to your fabulous moves and joyful heartbeats! Dance like nobody's watching… because, well, nobody is! 😄🎶 #HomeIsWhereTheDanceFloorIs

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Commentary:
"Twitter: where your tweets flow like your creativity and your bowels 💩 A digital escape as you answer nature's call! 🚽😆 #TweetingFromTheThrone"