Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Commentary:
"Embracing aging gracefully is a bit like being rolled over by a steamroller with a smile on your face – sure, you may want to scream, but at least you'll look fabulous doing it! 🚂😂 #AgingLikeAFineWine"

I'm not sure how long my body can handle this "getting out of bed early in the morning" nonsense.

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Commentary:
"I have a feeling my body is staging a protest against these early mornings – I mean, who can blame it? If I had the choice, I'd choose my cozy bed over adulting any day!"

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Commentary:
Ah, the perks of aging gracefully – stumbling into the bushes sober like a true pro! Who knew that growing older would come with such exciting surprises, like letting gravity do all the work for you. Embrace the graceful elegance of becoming one with nature, shrubbery and all!

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Commentary:
Looks like Santa's got some spelling and grammar policing to do this year! Remember, folks, even Santa needs some help deciphering those questionable Facebook posts. It's all fun and games until your present is a thesaurus!

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate challenge – the 'Get Off the Couch' program. Step 1: Look at the couch longingly. Step 2: Contemplate the possibility of standing up. Step 3: Take a deep breath and consider the benefits of movement. Stay tuned for Step 12: Actually getting up… maybe."

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Commentary:
"Online shopping: making us use our legs since 1994. Who knew that the most strenuous part of the process would be reaching for our wallet? It's a real workout for the modern age."

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Commentary:
Well, those bruises must have quite the active social life if they're not from getting lucky in love!