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Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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2334 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,496

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15,197

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12,496

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3,434

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Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Making waves on TikTok:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Reported on LinkedIn:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Live now on YouTube:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Just shared via Twitch:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Freshly posted on Slack:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Going viral on Instagram:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Reported on TikTok:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

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11 Funny healthcare quotes

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2334 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,496

Funny Quotes Topics

15,197

Funny Quotes Images

12,496

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Trending via TikTok:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Freshly posted on Threads:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

Just shared via Instagram:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Just landed via Telegram:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Just shared via Slack:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Trending via Snapchat:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Live now on Pinterest:

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

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