I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's meal prep game is on point for the end of the world! Who needs a grocery store when you've got a basement buffet waiting? Bring on the apocalypse – this person's ready to feast like never before!"

Fun Fact or Trivia:
Did you know that some preppers stockpile food in their basements in preparation for apocalyptic scenarios? These individuals are often referred to as "doomsday preppers" and go to great lengths to ensure they have enough food and supplies to survive a disaster.

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Commentary:
Well, technically you're only supposed to obey the traffic laws when there's a cop nearby, right? Or at least that's what some daredevils like to believe. Just make sure your guardian angel has a valid driver's license!

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Commentary:
"Rich people have it all – the fancy cars, the luxurious vacations, and the designer clothes. Meanwhile, I'm over here budgeting for my morning coffee. The struggle is real, my friends."

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn't ready.

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Commentary:
"Sure, let's hit the rewind button and give the weekend another go! Maybe this time we'll remember to set multiple alarms and pack extra snacks for unexpected adventures. Here's to a weekend do-over filled with all the fun and none of the Monday blues!"

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Commentary:
Ah, the ultimate prank from beyond the grave! Nothing says 'rest in peace' quite like a posthumous text blast. Just imagine all the confusion and amusement that would ensue as friends and family receive heartfelt messages from the great beyond. The deceased might even become known as the ultimate party host, orchestrating one final gathering long after they've departed. It's a brilliant mix of sentiment and humor that's sure to leave everyone scratching their heads in wonder and appreciation.

I can resist everything except temptation.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle between willpower and desire! As Oscar Wilde so succinctly put it, "I can resist everything except temptation." It's like trying to resist the allure of a warm, gooey chocolate chip cookie on a strict healthy eating plan – temptation always seems to have the upper hand! But hey, who can blame us? Sometimes, giving in to temptation is just too irresistible to resist!

It was me, I let the dogs out.

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Commentary:
Well, well, well, looks like we finally found out who was responsible for letting the dogs out! It wasn't the cats, the birds, or even the squirrels – it was you all along! Let's hope they don't hold a grudge for getting busted. Just remember, in the future, keep a closer leash on things before your furry friends start causing a canine commotion! 🐶🚪🔓

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Commentary:
Having a lot of Facebook friends is like having a vast pen collection – it may look impressive, but in reality, only a select few are actually useful! Just like how only one pen writes, only a handful of friends truly engage and interact with you online. Quality over quantity, right?

I only accept apologies in cash.

I only accept apologies in cash.

Commentary:
"If you're going to say sorry, make sure it's accompanied by some dough – because 'I'm sorry' just doesn't quite cut it when you're talking to my bank account!"

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Commentary:
"Looks like Don just got an 'E'-scape plan from that marriage! Talk about a one-letter solution to a two-letter problem!"